Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
