New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
