I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think i have two assholes
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
