I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
