You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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