Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize