I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
