I wish they made helmets for livers.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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