You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
