i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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