strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
