We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
