can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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