You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
