I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
