i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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