Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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