Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize