Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
