Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
