As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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