wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
