am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
