i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
