her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
