end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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