I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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