I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
