man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My ass is underappreciated
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
