We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
