We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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