i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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