I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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