You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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