How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
