at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
