he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
