i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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