My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
