why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize