I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
