Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
