You can't motorboat a personality
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We need to get me chipped asap
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
