There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
