How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
