My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
