Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
