she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
