I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
