dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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