reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
