I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
