Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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