dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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