Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He better not be in your backpack
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
