i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
