Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
