the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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