I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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