Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
