just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Duck Duck Cougar?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
