he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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