I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
