we're blogging at a bar
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
