Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
