Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
