I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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