I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
