I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize