It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
