So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize