Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize