She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
