I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize